My Life

Another sleepless night, a night where I have to keep awake so I don't die in my sleep, a night where I don't see the things from the past, because they already haunt me enough by day, when I shower I see you there, when I go to the bathroom I see you there with me, don't ask me why but I can't go on this way

Walking here alone in this big city, avoiding all the contact with people, every person I see looks like you and every face I see on a painting in the Hermitage says it's you that was painted, it didn't matter if it was painted in 1685 or 2011, it just said your name and I get crazy, I get delusions and my mind isn't the same
I can hardly enjoy my time here because when I walk I see you follow me even tough you let me behind

I feel the energy drain from my body more with every day, every day here the more I want to go away, but I don't know where to run to, there's nobody there to welcome me
I guess I should be thankful for what I have, but what do I have? not you, not a good health, I just have things that don't matter to me, so where should I be thankful for? I don't see it..I just don't :'(

I think tonight is again a night where I just will sit on my balcony and watch the people in the streets, the cars waiting in front of the traffic light, the people that pay for girls to come with them, to see the time passing by so slowly and to look at the sky and listen to the sounds of the city, and not all of it is pretty, screaming voices and screams for help, just sickening but it's my life

I heard a beautiful line in a movie today and it really suits how I feel, it was called Max Payne, and so many people died there, and his wife and daughter got murdered and I feel like losing you was something similar to it, but the beautiful line I heard was..

 I don't believe in Heaven. I believe in Pain. I believe in Fear. I believe in Death

Is it strange to wish for death? because sometimes I really do, just to be rid of it all
Maybe if I wish hard enough you'll be rid of me

It's not your fault that I wish for it, It was and still is my own fault

My own...

I...I...I just will never be the same :'(

M