The Same

Yesterday I had a barbeque in the hotel, there was a large table filled with beer, wine, vodka and much more liquors so I was already thinking ''This is going to be so bad'' so I sat down at the far end of the table
There were like 30 Eastern-European people, a family from Germany, a couple from Norway and there was me, the only one alone there but it didn't mind for that matter

I started to eat a kind of sausage when the germans started to talk to me and were asking why I was alone and where I came from, I tried to neglect them and say nothing but I knew I couldn't do it because 30 pair of eyes started to look at me... I really didn't like it but ok, I knew I had to say something

So I started to talk to him and told him that I'm from the Netherlands and that I was here because I wanted to see something of the culture of Russia, luckily he believed it and he started to talk about himself and his family, he made me sad with the things he said, he said things that I can relate to, about losing members of the family and problems with his children, I knew I had to get out of there, so I excused me for a moment

I started to walk around in the city looking everywhere and just imagining it was home and I was still happy, but I almost got an accident so it was better to just look around and make my way back, but all I could do was sit somewhere and look at photos of myself in happy times, look at my parents photos and look at your photos, and I miss the happy times a lot

But I know I need to move on and I walked back, and I continued the conversation with him, that his story touched me and that I was in Russia because I wanted to forget about all I knew and let behind what I lost, that I was looking for myself and that I am still searching for me

Since I've lost you I don't know who I am anymore

I'm not who I once was, I'm not the Same

M