Live Life Alone

I just arrived at the hotel, it looks clean and it smells nice?? but it is far away from home, not a lot of people in the hotel, I guess it's a hotel for business people because everybody wears a suit, 30 hours in a bus instead of 22, and I am alone again, I arrived alone, walked alone inside, had to eat alone, it is my life day by day, every day and it is something I need to live with for a long time

I worry for my own health and mental stability, for my father that has his surgery today and I don't even know if it goes well or not, I just know that it started at 10:00 CET so it already has started for 30 minutes

The travel in the bus took so long because of the weather, traffic jams, wrong turns and stopping every 30 minutes because someone had to pee and we had no toilets on the bus and than I think ''Why isn't there a toilet on a bus with 50 people?'' but I didn't get an answer

I read you were in the hospital and I don't know why, but it isn't my business, even tough I still care for you and I want nothing bad happen to you like happined to me, I wish I knew how you were doing and if you were happy, that you could say that your life changed for the better and that you've never been better but than I see a crying eye on your blog so I don't think you are doing so well

I miss what we had, even tough it was over a year it feels like we haven't been together long enough and that what we had was really wonderful and magical, and I miss it, so, so much
I wish I could say that I wouldn't cry before I go to bed today, that I didn't feel sad in a forgotten place but I have to dissappoint you, I cry for you tonight and that you get a better life, I don't have to cry for more

I don't know how long I can take this sadness anymore, every day seems to get harder and harder, I don't want to make people sad or give people bad feelings, just want them to smile and be happy, having a healthy life with many people around them

pff... I'll go take a bath now, a long and hot one and lay there till the water gets cold and than I'll go to bed, I'm so tired of my life, something has to change quickly or it breaks me apart, don't let it happen to you, don't get in my situation

M

(I will write less times because I don't have things to write about and I don't want to bore you with things I've said a million times before, I just will write when I have something new to write)