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I can't go online anymore, I just can't talk to you because I'm afraid
I'm afraid of what I might say to you, things I could regret or make you feel more bad
I could say bad things that I feel in a moment we talk and 10 minutes after would really regret, I don't want to hurt you in any way but in that moment I would and I don't want it
Maybe I would beg you to come back, saying that my life has no meaning without you and that you are everything in my life (last part is true) but I know you can't come back to me
But even tough we can't talk doesn't mean that I don't miss you, I miss you every day, I miss it to talk with you but it is better this way and I think it won't take long for you to find a new boyfriend and I will be happy for you but still it would haunt me in the back of my head that someone else takes the prize
So you see it has nothing to do with you that we can't talk, it is just me because I don't want to say thing where I will be sorry for in the future
I'm just scared of my reaction when we talk again or when you say you found a new person in your life so I need to go away, out of your life, totally, because I know I will say bad things when you say you have a new person even tough I wish you happiness in your life but maybe after a long time who knows but for now I don't want to talk to you and I saw you could do ":p" again so I hope you are again doing better but I don't need to know, just as you don't need to know how I'm doing and if I am getting better or not
So when the time is right I'll be back online, but I doubt it will be this year and in the same way because we just talk "cold" to each other like we've never did, even not when we met but I guess I deserved it

M