Moving Through The Darkness

It's too damn late to be awake, damn shaking train, damn, damn, damn stupid life
It's already too dark to see anything outside besides the lights of cars and houses where families are together, a place at home where I wanted to be happy too but it wasn't meant to be, I was meant to become an enemy of the person I love most and still do, I wish I would have seen this coming 6 months ago so I was prepared for the impact it has on my life, no more you, no more live with you, no more nothing with you, I wouldn't have changed anything tough, I prefer have the pain than my enemy has it, you deserve something far better, someone that says every day how beautiful you are and can lift your spirit up every day and believes in you, something that will forget everything and let go of everything for you, something I didn't do, or did I? well, it doesn't matter anymore, I feel so sick every day, but I never wanted to blog it so my sister wouldn't read it, I found out she reads my blog to try and understand why I went away, but the true reason will always be in my head, something I will keep for myself like everything else from now on, nobody cares if I have pain inside or not, if I pee blood or not or whatever else happens, nobody got to know, nobody wants to know
I'm too sleepy and tired of staying mad at myself so I will tell a little more about what is going on here and I will tell something about what I see and do now.
There is nothing going on here besides go over the tracks for hours and hours, hearing the engine quite good and sometimes I hear noises from beds and doors, the train isn't travelling so fast but luckily it's warm inside and it has a ''Rich'' interior with a lot of green actually, all the tables are made from a kind of wood and it just looks really good, I'm in a kind of a meeting room with 4 other persons, everybody minding there own business and just as me looking outside to the sky that is again full of stars, millions of eyes looking down but not at me, just at the loved ones, the people they let behind, the people that miss them every day
There is a lot of poverty here and it affects me a little, just every child I see just gets some euros from me, I don't know what it is to have no money so it is more easy to give it away I think, even tough euros isn't the currency here it still is preferred over the Ruble, the Russia currency
It is hard to think that my life changed so much in the last months, my life turned from a heaven into hell, made me from healthy to so sick, losing everything I wanted and even get mad with her because of her decision even tough I always respected her decision and said that you don't have to do anything you don't want, I am sorry for it :'( but that won't change the fact that I said it.
I had the lyrics finished from the song but I want to write other lyrics, about everything, not just about the good sides of love like the lyrics first were, but now I want to write what I will miss too, the pains of love and what you will miss, that the future will hurt for me and that it is what I deserve for being this way, different from everybody else, different because I cared for what you had to say and that I truly love you
People are slowly retreating to their beds and now I'm almost all alone in this coupe, having a warm chocolate milk and just watch the stars in the sky, the cozy houses and the river that runs near the tracks and it hurts, going further away from all that I know, all that I miss, all where I wanted to be....
I will go to my bed in some minutes, lay down a little and listen to the sounds of the train, of couples together in bed fighting, sleeping or making love, listen to the sounds of a dark night, maybe the last one I'll ever have
Believe in True Love for everybody, just don't believe it for me

M