Crying Inside

When everything inside hurts, when everything in your mind hurts life is more hard and you want it more to end as soon as possible, every day again and again time goes slower by and drains all the energy out of your body replacing it with more bad feelings, feelings of loneliness, feelings of abandonment and thoughts of my shattered dreams.
I am affected more easily with everything around me, everything I see, everything I read, everything the news shows and it doesn't matter in what language, the pain just grows even tough I don't get hurt at this moment, I feel the pain from other people even if I have never seen them, never knew of their existence till I read or seen it on the news
I just feel a lot of pain inside when I read something like ''Man hits girlfriend'' or ''Bride cheats just before marriage'' and it just hurts a lot even tough it shouldn't affect me, I just feel the pain the person feels that is being hurt, they do things I would never do, I never lied to you for example, I never wanted to and never had a reason to, I could always tell the truth because I knew you'd understand but in this place here in Russia it is not normal how people treat each other here, how guys drive around drunk and shouting at all women they see when there is no police around and I just don't understand it, why would you do such a thing, even screaming at little girls, I don't know what they shout because I don't understand what they say but I can see the scared look on their face, and it makes me worry for your future because of what you say about the way women get treated there.
All week I have been thinking in 1 thing, a accident in Italy where a cyclist died in the Giro D'Italia and left his girlfriend behind with an unborn baby that should have been born in September and I just feel sick of it, that the little boy or girl will never see the father, that the girlfriend won't have the boyfriend near when she gets the baby and it is just so sad and it just hurts me, I can feel it like I could feel the love in feelings and not in words like ''I love you'' just feel it so pure as we had pure love but now I just feel pure sadness, I can't imagine her pain and the pain of his parents, life is hard for them now like it is for me and there are no things that will make it feel better, nobody and nothing will make them feel better but if I could I would make them feel better, it is something that is called Compassion

Compassion does not exist in life, only in mine, I know to show compassion to people, like I showed you when you tried hurt yourself and I got mad at you for it, it was the only time I was mad at you and you worried I let you after but I didn't, I didn't want to and I showed you compassion and understanding but I didn't get it back in the end, but that's okay, it was your decision and I don't blame you for doing what you think is best but that doesn't make the pain I feel less


M