Санкт-Петербург

12-05-2011*

I just checked-in in my hotel, had some time to post my previous blog in the lobby before I got my key, was a long day for me with a lot of thinking in life, thinking in the past, preparing and starting my future.

The day started this morning in Moscow, just after checking out I went to the train-station to store my bags in one of those lockers but unfortunately I couldn't find any so I had to carry it with me all day long so I couldn't do all the things I wanted to see but never-mind, I loved the city so I'll definitely go back in the future but than I hope to take a person with me, but I think it will stay with hoping and it will never happen just like everything else I hope to do with someone else, so after I went to the Lenin mausoleum (Мавзолей В. И. Ленина) and to the Pokrov cathedral (Покровский собор) you know, the cathedral that everybody has seen at least once on a photo or on tv when they talk about Russia or the Kremlin, but after seeing those things it was time to leave so I took the subway to the train station to my next destination, St Petersburg where I will spend the next couple of days but the travel with the train wasn't so nice, the train was too crowded and just some people didn't look too friendly, so there was nobody you could chat a little with but when I arrived in St Petersburg there was a great weight falling off my back, just had to take the subway for 20 minutes and had to walk for a few minutes till I luckily arrived at the right hotel, and I am so glad it has WiFi

But now I sit on the balcony, looking over a canal, and listen to the sounds of the city, hearing cars race, people shout, even tough it is already past 01:00 but I guess that it is normal for a city with so many people, but now I just feel a little lonely, so many people around you but nobody to relate to, and it is something everybody wants, but it is hard to think in you, but still I do, I love you, nothing more and nothing less than I did before, but I keep feeling the pain of losing you and it is really bad for me, more than I can write, and it scares me, I am scared of what will come in the future, but I need to live with it, even if I can't live with it I still have to, and sometimes it is really hard and it makes me mad at myself for breaking the wall I had around my heart, but I broke it for you and for the beautiful time we had together I don't regret it, I just regret it for the pain after, but now I can't change a thing about it anymore, I need to rebuild the wall again for my own sake, I'm a new person when I come back home, I was a fool thinking that I could keep you for myself forever, it was already too good to be true in the beginning but I didn't want to see that it could end because I couldn't see mistakes in you, we never had a fight or never got mad at each other, just in the end we were a little grumpy but that is logic, I don't know what the future will bring you, if it brings you luck, if it brings you happiness or if it brings you love, but I hope that you will find it all even tough you will miss all my love..

why would you do such a thing to a person you love..

M