Mothers Day

Today it's mothers day like in most countries in the world so we had to celebrate it today 
I bought my mother something she really wanted, was expensive but its something she can use for a long time after I'm gone
She didn't like that it was expensive but she was happy with it so I too was a little happy
I get to notice that every time I look sad, my parents need each others attention more like they want to hurt me with the fact of me being alone
I'm alone like I just said means that things hurt much more on the inside than before, when I listen to love songs that remind me of you (make you feel my love) and when I watch movies (shrek 1, 2, 3, 4) I just see you and me and it hurts
But its mothers day so I'm not supposed to cry but still I do, they don't know I'll go away tomorrow for a long time, longer than 3 weeks that I intended to but I have to do it, I just want to be alone because I can't take my life anymore, just can't because everything changed in such a short time and I just need to do it all alone while I'm feeling sad and sorry with myself while the world goes rushing by around me and everybody looks so happy and everybody is together and is living for a reason or purpose, but I'm not, I just live because my heart is pounding, no other reason, I thought I found my reason but it turned out to be just a dream but that's ok, I don't blame anyone for not being with me, I'm not ugly on the in- or outside I'm actually quite handsome, but still I understand why people no want to be with me, a person That's sick inside and lost everything he loves isn't smiling so often so I know it doesn't make me look so good now nor makes me a good person to be around now
Tomorrow I'll make you a post in the train and upload it if I can, if the station has WiFi and from than you won't hear a thing of me again till i'm back home
Home is where you find your loved ones, so where are my loved ones, where's my real home..?

M