Break

I wish I could say that I didn't woke last time I wrote a post, that I was dead and gone but I'm not, the only thing that happined to me was a massive break down, that I was afraid of the future and that one day, a day that we all must face, a day we won't excist anymore, a day everybody waits for but never wants to reach, a day that what we are is lifeless and it scares and frightens me
I'm still not home, I just stopped in a little village because of the weather, I spend the last few days alone in a forest with a beautiful lake, the days were warm but the nights were cold, luckily I know how to make a fire or the nights would have been a lot less pleasent even tough I slept so bad because of the animals here at night, had to sleep with one eye open and make sure the fire would remain

But I should tell you how I am doing now and where I am at the moment, let me tell you how I am doing first, I'm doing quite welll actually, I see some symptomes from my illness going away and feel more ''healthy'' but I think that's because of the high altitudes here and because I am surrounded by nature instead of loud cars and bad air, here the air is just so clean and so restfull, just really pleasant and it is good for me

I still can't read the damn Russian so I can't tell you where I am, but fortunately my iPhone can locate me so it shows where I am.. I am in a place called Katyryk or something, it's in the middle of the woods and it has like 20 houses or something, I need to find civilization soon I think even tough I searched for abandonment but that time will be over soon, I was looking and needing a place to stay in my own solitude and now i've found it so I think I can go home in a few weeks

This solitude I was talking about is good for your inner soul, it gives me peace when there is no disturbance inside and no one to tell you that what you do is wrong or good for you, even tough I can tell you all that it isn't so easy to be alone and that you miss the communication with people and just seeing another face but it was my choice to go here, I miss home a lot and haven't spoken to my parents for more than 1.5 week now and I'm just dying to know how they are doing

But even tough after all this time I feel less empty with every day, a feeling that other things need to be done to fill all that is empty but even tough I am doing better I can't stop feeling that I miss something in my life and that it still hurts every day

I just miss you..

M