Search Inside Me

The bad food starts to take it's toll, of course it is impossible to eat nothing but apples from a tree, some occasional berries and cookies, I lost a lot of weight these months, around 12-15 kg I think, I think it looks good for some reason but I know I can't stay this way forever and I don't have the luxury of a supermarket every 2 km here like I had at home...

Home is where the heart is, is where the people that care are and that miss you, Home is where your mother awaits you with a listening ear for your problems (I hope it's the same for you) and Home is where your father is who will do his best to give you everything you need to be happy and become successful in your life (Again it is what I hope you have too) and Home is where the people are where all the people are where I ran away from.. :'(

The weather is starting to get worse and worse so I walk only a few times a day because it is just dangerous sometimes and beside that I think...I don't think I will be happy again so soon, not home, not where I will go next, not inside, especially not inside me.

Inside me isn't a wonderland filled with candy, little bunnies and all things to pleasure the mind and senses.. No, it isn't that place anymore for a while, but my mind used to be like that, it used to be filled with everything I could imagine and all I could imagine was you, I saw you in my mind, in my heart and in my arms, I could see you everywhere I went, taking a shower with me, I saw you fall asleep in my arms every night but woke with empty arms in the morning.

You were everything I wanted and you were everywhere I looked but unfortunately you were mine temporarily how much I even tried, and I had to let you go and now I can't find you anymore, I searched in the back of my head if I could remember the nights we spend together and every day I try to find you again in my heart to see if you are still there, and are you?; because it becomes harder and harder to find you, I just am still so sad because of the games we used to play together are still written on paper, the words and thoughts we shared are still in my memory and your face is still near me every day, your letter and ring are (I think) still in my room, you can understand it was to hard to take them with me, It was so hard to find you but I did and it was so easy to loose you, I didn't have to do anything for it and sometimes I just wish if I could just have 1 more day with you but than I say to myself that the day will be over too soon and it has no additional value and will do nothing more than hurt again for both in the end.

I really thought we would be together always, you inside me but I don't want to get old alone so I have to keep searching for number #2 but I want you to know that you are number #1 just as...

M

(P.S. I will try to upload a photo of me in 2 weeks or so)