Worried.

Today I am worried, I am worried about what the future will bring to.. Me.

I've spend most of my money now even tough I had more money than the average person of my age but I was too dumb to spend most of it on my vacation, I bought expensive ''now useless'' watches in Moscow, I spend the night in expensive hotels in St Petersbourg and Nizjni Novgorod, the other nights I was in a normal hotel or people were kind enough to let me stay in their home but I just haven't been thinking that when I got home I could get a bad reaction and that was silly from me

Continueing about being worried, like I just said I've made some bad purchases that haven't been such a good idea but now I am kind of in a conflict with myself because I just have 2 choices: spend the money I have on food ór spend it on shelter and I need both because as the summer here doesn't mean 28 Celsius and no rain but 18 celsius and a lot of rain.. I just don't know what to do anymore.... I suppose I can stay in the trainstation some nights but it isn't that safe because they're dealing cocaine outside (I think) and I wouldn't like to get arrested for sleeping there.

I never had to worry about money, I got all the things I wanted even as a child, I had it all but I let it slip away because of the sorrow I felt inside for someone else, but I don't blame it on that, I could have had the sorrow in my own bedroom but I chose to go away even tough I still am really sick and I think I have to go to the hospital sooner or later again or things will go very wrong here.

Just a little something about tonight, I stayed in a hotel last night and I am afraid I took a really expensive one again... I don't learn so easily from my mistakes.. a quick shave, a nice shower, recharged my iPhone and my laptop and I started to search for a place to stay and I went to some Human Resource agencies to show that I was available but I started to get problems there because I don't have an adress anymore so I couldn't do anything but leave..

Now I'm in the station again to write a little something, life ain't so easy today and I'm quite hungry :S

I hope you are having a good day, I love you very much!

M