Almost Home...

Dark sky today here in the middle of Germania, laying here on a hill and it is raining very much, AAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!!!! I hate rain, damn it, I don't mind rain for that matter, just let it rain when I sleep somewhere warm instead of outside in a little tent or whatever I should call it, I've been in this country for 3 days now and all I saw was rain and old people, I can't sleep because of the noise that it makes, I want to sleep!! I NEED to sleep, but I can't, not even if I lay in a warm bed now, I am not at peace with myself, there is so much left for me to do here alone and I am not doing well on the inside, I really need a doctor here, But I will change, I won't think bad anymore so let's hope I will be doing better tomorrow

It's been a while since I've heard from you, I've read your blog a few times and sometimes you've written something new, but since I've heard nothing I think it's time for me to write something new, these messages won't be so good as some previous ones because I'm out of inspiration to write, I feel like nothing, I don't want nothing and I will do nothing, I've only got inspiration for your story and for all other things I just got nothing, sorry

The days start to blend together, every day is one and the same, just wake up alone, break up my tent and pack them in my bag, sometimes take a dive in a lake or a river (god knows what might live in there but why would I care?) buy some drinks and food for the day and walk all day alone, rest a little alone, eat something alone and sleep again alone, I wish there was something better for me :(

I hope to be home in a few days and I really still am worried for what my parents might say or do, if they are happy to see me or kick me out, because when they kick me out I am afraid our ways will end here, I don't know what I will do than, I will be homeless than and I bet after a while will run out of money so it would just be a matter of time before I have to sell my things... and .... and..... I guess I just am afraid of their reaction that I already start to imagine what will have to come, like I did with you, just imagine with what had to come :'-(

All I can do daily is write my story for you, just write about ''The story of a heart'' and it is going to be so good, It is going to be the best post I so far did and it is what is keeping my mind a little busy, makes me think that I can finish something that is unfinished and that it will be good for the future, but how nice it maybe can be, I still wish I never would have had to write it, because when I used to miss you I just had to get on my laptop, go online to MSN or Skype and you were always there, didn't matter if it was 08:00 or 03:00 you were always there for me, you'd listen to everything I had to say and helped me where ever you could but of course I wished you were always in my arms to hold but the laptop was the second best, but now when I miss you I know you're not there and to be honest, I really miss it, I miss our connection and the things we could talk about, just missing everything about ''us'' :(

M