Looking Older.

It's raining very much today, feeling jealous about the places where it is warm at the moment and where the sun is shining, a place where I can be with You, a place where I can only dream about and when I wake I see that the rain still hasn't stopped and I still am so, so cold and wet

When I walk through the streets and see myself in the windows I look old, I look much older than 19 years old and it makes me realize something, I just come to see more and more that life is temporarily and that one day it is all over and it hurts, it hurts because you know that we as mortals are doomed to die but the time we have is beautiful when you can spend it with a person you truly love but that is what I can't do... I can't spend it with You, so what would give my life any purpose?

I have nothing to follow, nothing to pursue, once I had these dreams but not anymore, reality is much harder when it hits you in the face, when the world around you starts to crumble and you're left all alone, yes it is hard and yes it isn't easy but still I am happy that I can manage instead of going crazy and you were right about what you wrote that the ''smile'' isn't really there on my face because I don't know what my mouth does, I don't know if I ''smile'' or if I want to cry, I think that my face is more like this (*_*) without any emotion, without any part of me showing who I am and that is fine for now, there's just 1 person that knows me, and that is You.

It is sweet what you wrote about my wish, it really is, but the main reason that I'd like to be with you isn't because it would be warm and cozy.... no, it would be wonderful because you'd be there in my arms for the night and that's all that I wish for

I loved you so much because you were the only one who could make me feel so happy

I hope in the end that my future will look like this:

We'll go together to the light when we're old.

M