One Sad Person

Have you ever felt so lonely that it hurt, that when you look around and all you see are happy couples, seeing them smile and just look so in love and you ask yourself why you can't be part of that couple, than you know how I've felt all my life

I know I could never keep the love of my life, I already knew it from the start, because nothing good ever happens to me, why can't I be the lucky guy for once in my life, why can't I have what I want just once

I am not perfect, I admit it and yes, I make my mistakes and I even lie sometimes, but haven't I been punished enough, isn't being all my life alone and losing the love of my life enough for the bad things I've done and you should know that I even lied to you.. once, because I didn't know the answer, you asked me once if I'd love you just as much as I said I did if you didn't have anymore what you wanted me to have and I said ''yes, I would'' but that was a lie, the right answer should have been that I didn't know it, because you would have been a different person.

Since I have a lot of time to think during the day I ask myself if it was all worth it, give away my heart, get my heart back broken and now it got attacked, and on top of that being alone is slowly consuming me, nothing is as bad as being alone, that's why everyone is together, that why there are so many happy couples, that's why there is just one sad person

M

The Desolate One

Finally a little inspiration in this broken mind to write about, just the inspiration comes out in little fragments of what the original might would have been, this solitude that I'm in for quite a while now hasn't been good for me, just made my life just a little bit hard you know, the little hope you have or the light that always shines in the dark is slowly fading away again, just going further and further away from the point you are at this moment, that it makes my life a little more dark, but luckily you are there..

You will always look the same because the pictures on the wall don't age with me and it is hard to think we've promised to be together always while you will always be 18 on the wall, never aging and always looking as beautiful as the day you made it, but it is hard like I told you before, that promises and trusting people will never be the same

I haven't been able to be in my room as often as I'd like, I still have to paint it and decorate it, some things on the wall and give it a home feeling like I haven't had in months, need to make it my new home while it still feels like an empty shell that I have to live in, far away from all that I want, need, love and desire, just away from you is what makes it more harsh and more painful but as everything, it was inevitable that this moment would happen , love and happiness just weren't and aren't made for me, despite what people say and what you've said, It is hard but unfortunately it is the truth, whether I like it or not

In contradiction of my last post, I'm doing quite bad the last few days, got a lot of headaches and my body just tells me to stop moving and rest in peace, and instead of doing the things that are important i'm just sitting here behind my laptop playing games, sometimes I work a little and I'm waiting till you write something, but unfortunately you don't and I think I should stop looking for it.

There's no one here, there's no one there to wait for me, not in this life or in another...you were all that I needed..

I'm The Desolate One

M

Poem #11

The beat in my heart
Every beat says your name
No matter what you say
My life can never be the same
Maybe only through words
You were good at your game
I dreamt that I was winning
Even while putting myself to shame
I can never let anyone know
How foolish I have been
As my heart never actually realized
That you barged in without even being seen
I wish I could go back in time
As now I have no place to turn
Believe me, this pain is pure torture
Deep inside me, my heart is on burn
All through my thoughts
Your feelings run deep
When you don’t seem to feel the same
I cry myself to sleep

The Story Of A Heart

Sorry that this story took so long, I did not have a lot of inspiration lately and I couldn't find interesting, sweet and kind things to write since I've written already many, many things here on my blog but this is something new I've been working on, I tried to make it something that will speak to you when you read it and I hope it will show that how good something may be, It can always be better than it looks and time will tell it to you if the impression you have of someone will stay the same all the time or gets better or worse

Have a good time reading and I hope you will remember better times

''You will remember it all you life when you meet a person that fits you so, so well that you want to tell him everything and want to share everything with him, that life seems nothing but a party and that it doesn't matter where he is, where he is from, if he is rich or poor or is cute or not, you know you want to be there so bad that it physically hurts that you aren't there, it is called ''a true love''

A person that has a listening ear for you and where you can spill all your problems without being judged for them, where that person tries to be the best for you and make you happy every single way he can, even tough he isn't perfect he tries to be perfect for you just to make you happy and feel good

When this person makes you happy you start to feel warm inside, your heart starts to glow and give you wonderful feelings inside and you know you want more, you started to get addicted to this person but it is commonly known as ''being in love'' and it is true, when you're in love you don't want anything else than be with the person you're in love with all the time and try to make this person as happy as this person makes you happy
If we ask Wikipedia what love is Wikipedia will say that it is an emotional reaction to a person that gives chemical reactions that feel good but I think what we had was so much stronger, what we had was so, so perfect, it was way further than in love, you weren't my true love, you were so much more, like a ''soul/heart/mind/body mate'' I don't know how else to describe it

Every moment I was with you it was like a dream, the way we could talk the talk, how the connection between us was so strong from the beginning, that every night we smiled together when we imagined everything we wanted to, that we loved each other already from the beginning and that you made me feel the way no one has ever done before and I can still feel you inside my heart, I hear your voice in my head telling me everything will be alright while it isn't, but just to hear it makes me feel better, my heart still plays our story when I feel sad, just like it did when I wasn't here and in the moments I wanted to give up, your voice made me continue my way

But like every good story, there is a sad part too... what happens when 2 people love each other with all their heart but can never be together, well let's just say 3 years but that's no difference with forever, what would you do? would you give up or stick together, Will your love fight the tears of your lover and make him/her believe that even tough you're far, your mind is always with that person and that you will always be there, not physical but in his/her heart, can you beat time?
It's something we've been telling ourselves for a long time that we would never give up and that it's just 3 years, but no matter how strong a love is, missing you won in the end and cost me you.

''Our story hasn't ended yet, our story is always writing something new when the ends starts to come near, so just believe me when I say that there will always be a little bit of me with you all your life'' even tough there are moments we will be lonely and alone in a room, inside we will never be alone again, no matter what life brings us, my heart will never forget our story and I love you always

It isn't fair that the true hearts can't be together always, that the cheaters and the people that don't love each other can be together but that's the way love is, when you find someone that makes you sing you just have to do more afford to get what is really just your to have, you can just give your heart to one person
This person becomes the most precious thing in life when your heart tells you that he/she is the one for you to grow old with, don't doubt because of anything, when he/she is the right person for you go for it and do all you can to convince him/her that you are made for each other and make your own little fairy tale like I have had with You, a Story Of A Heart

So believe me when I say that I love you, I made this blog that is dedicated to you because I love you and every post I made beside 'Father's Day'' all are related to you to express the feelings I have in that moment or that day about you or because of you, I've written a song for you because I love you and still haven't posted it because I think you won't like it but one day I will, I really miss you and I think it is a shame we aren't together anymore and I've got to live with it and that I don't like it won't change it so I can only let it be the way it is now.

What the future will bring to you is happiness, I know it and won't stand in your way for you to find it because I wish you all the happiness in the world even tough it means that I can't give it to you, but my heart will never forget you and our story, so whatever happens..

I Love you

M

Worried

Just let me know that you're still there, I'm really worried :(