I Found Love.

I have been thinking, whether to let you know that there is someone new in my life, and there is, I finally found the courage to try and move on, give others the opportunity to hurt me and hope they won't do it.

I found the strength in my body to say to a new person that I love her, and I wonder but hope that you found someone new too and tough we are apart when we once were so close, I truly hope you are happy.

But this poem... this one is for my new love.

''I wanted a mansion once, until I met you, now the only place  I want to live in is inside your heart. 

I once desired diamonds, until I met you, now the only sparkle I need comes from within. 

I used to crave the finest clothing, until I met you, now I want not a single thread to separate our bodies.

I once coveted a fancy car, until I met you, now I want nothing that would put miles between us.

I once prayed for money, until I met you, now I want none of the things money can buy.

I once yearned for a sense of security, until I met you, now my only security comes in knowing you are near.

I once dreamt of a prestigious job, until I met you, now I found my success in knowing that you are happy

I once asked for the world on a silver platter, until I met you, now you are my world and I want for nothing but your touch.''

Loving you has been my teacher, you taught me not to want, being with you

has been my discovery, you were all that I wanted and finding you has been my salvation

I now understand grateful but perhaps most importantly that your love in 

return has been my everything and I thank you for the time I got to know you, maybe we meet again in another life.

but now my I love you, or Ik hou van jou, goes to my new girlfriend.

M

Not Mine

I once felt the strength of your arms
As they embrassed my ever-loving body,
The warmth of your heart
As you placed your lips oh, so gently to mine,
The serenity of your love as you traced my every line,
The passion in your eyes as you stared deep into my soul.

Do I dare ask where all of that has gone?
The strength has turned to weakness
And the warmth to frigid breath,
The serenity to hostility
And the passion to necessity.

Why?...
Why is all that you felt for me
All of a sudden so far away?
Will it ever return someday?

I look deep into myself,
To see if it's me who's changed
But, I find no answers to my questions.
To this, I guess, my heart is destined.

Destined to be lonely, never to be free.
Ask what you will, my love
But, please just ask for me.
In my heart... you'll always be.

M

One Sad Person

Have you ever felt so lonely that it hurt, that when you look around and all you see are happy couples, seeing them smile and just look so in love and you ask yourself why you can't be part of that couple, than you know how I've felt all my life

I know I could never keep the love of my life, I already knew it from the start, because nothing good ever happens to me, why can't I be the lucky guy for once in my life, why can't I have what I want just once

I am not perfect, I admit it and yes, I make my mistakes and I even lie sometimes, but haven't I been punished enough, isn't being all my life alone and losing the love of my life enough for the bad things I've done and you should know that I even lied to you.. once, because I didn't know the answer, you asked me once if I'd love you just as much as I said I did if you didn't have anymore what you wanted me to have and I said ''yes, I would'' but that was a lie, the right answer should have been that I didn't know it, because you would have been a different person.

Since I have a lot of time to think during the day I ask myself if it was all worth it, give away my heart, get my heart back broken and now it got attacked, and on top of that being alone is slowly consuming me, nothing is as bad as being alone, that's why everyone is together, that why there are so many happy couples, that's why there is just one sad person

M

The Desolate One

Finally a little inspiration in this broken mind to write about, just the inspiration comes out in little fragments of what the original might would have been, this solitude that I'm in for quite a while now hasn't been good for me, just made my life just a little bit hard you know, the little hope you have or the light that always shines in the dark is slowly fading away again, just going further and further away from the point you are at this moment, that it makes my life a little more dark, but luckily you are there..

You will always look the same because the pictures on the wall don't age with me and it is hard to think we've promised to be together always while you will always be 18 on the wall, never aging and always looking as beautiful as the day you made it, but it is hard like I told you before, that promises and trusting people will never be the same

I haven't been able to be in my room as often as I'd like, I still have to paint it and decorate it, some things on the wall and give it a home feeling like I haven't had in months, need to make it my new home while it still feels like an empty shell that I have to live in, far away from all that I want, need, love and desire, just away from you is what makes it more harsh and more painful but as everything, it was inevitable that this moment would happen , love and happiness just weren't and aren't made for me, despite what people say and what you've said, It is hard but unfortunately it is the truth, whether I like it or not

In contradiction of my last post, I'm doing quite bad the last few days, got a lot of headaches and my body just tells me to stop moving and rest in peace, and instead of doing the things that are important i'm just sitting here behind my laptop playing games, sometimes I work a little and I'm waiting till you write something, but unfortunately you don't and I think I should stop looking for it.

There's no one here, there's no one there to wait for me, not in this life or in another...you were all that I needed..

I'm The Desolate One

M

If Dreams Came True

Dreams and Wishes will always be related to each other, we Dream of things that are impossible and we Wish things that are seemingly impossible, we Dream that we can fly, that we look different or that we can be with the person we desire most in our hearts and when you wake in the morning, you Wish that what you've Dreamed has become reality, but when I Dream late at night and I wake in the morning with the deepest Wish that you lay next to me, my arms always disappoint me because they aren't wrapped around you in the morning

But like you've said ''Wishes don't happen'' and you are right, everybody wishes every day, they wish they had studied for an important exam when they get an F from their teacher or a young woman hears she has lung cancer and she wished she never took that first cigarette, but when their wishes aren't heard they start to Dream about how life could have been if they made other decisions...what life would be like if Dreams came true.

If Dreams came true and when Wishes would be answered you'd probably think that life would be wonderful and why not? everybody would wish they were rich, they were healthy and possessed all they wanted, they would have a big mansion, many cars and a lot of women, I think I just described the most ideal life for most men, and what else would you wish, I bet everyone wanted to look beautiful, that they are popular and that they have a lot of friends and I know people will wish dead relatives back and to be honest, who wouldn't? if your child is sick I bet you'd wish he/she will get better, just simple, but if all wishes come true, what is there to live for?

When all Dreams and Wishes come true there is nothing to live for, you have it all and I think it would be bad and eventually break people up, they wish for some people to die or even worse, but just instead of answering our Wishes, we are supposed to learn from our mistakes, when we decide to drink a lot and do things we regret we know that we shouldn't do it and learn from it, and when we have something that we can't keep, how beautiful it may be, we have to learn from it and move on, no matter how much it may hurt

If my wishes would be answered from above I would wish that I could fly, so I could fly to you and when I dream at night of the sweetest, warmest and most wonderful sleep with you than I would wish in the morning that I could sleep that way with you each and every night....and I would wish that I could be with you, always being with you in the morning, during the day and all through the night.

It is too much to ask and it is what no one will ever get, their Wishes answered and their Dreams come true, but just 1 little Wish to make a Dream come true, is that too much to ask?

I know I'll keep wishing and I know I'll keep dreaming and if we let it happen and if we are really meant to be together forever, I know that our Dreams will come true :)

I love you

M