If Dreams Came True

Dreams and Wishes will always be related to each other, we Dream of things that are impossible and we Wish things that are seemingly impossible, we Dream that we can fly, that we look different or that we can be with the person we desire most in our hearts and when you wake in the morning, you Wish that what you've Dreamed has become reality, but when I Dream late at night and I wake in the morning with the deepest Wish that you lay next to me, my arms always disappoint me because they aren't wrapped around you in the morning

But like you've said ''Wishes don't happen'' and you are right, everybody wishes every day, they wish they had studied for an important exam when they get an F from their teacher or a young woman hears she has lung cancer and she wished she never took that first cigarette, but when their wishes aren't heard they start to Dream about how life could have been if they made other decisions...what life would be like if Dreams came true.

If Dreams came true and when Wishes would be answered you'd probably think that life would be wonderful and why not? everybody would wish they were rich, they were healthy and possessed all they wanted, they would have a big mansion, many cars and a lot of women, I think I just described the most ideal life for most men, and what else would you wish, I bet everyone wanted to look beautiful, that they are popular and that they have a lot of friends and I know people will wish dead relatives back and to be honest, who wouldn't? if your child is sick I bet you'd wish he/she will get better, just simple, but if all wishes come true, what is there to live for?

When all Dreams and Wishes come true there is nothing to live for, you have it all and I think it would be bad and eventually break people up, they wish for some people to die or even worse, but just instead of answering our Wishes, we are supposed to learn from our mistakes, when we decide to drink a lot and do things we regret we know that we shouldn't do it and learn from it, and when we have something that we can't keep, how beautiful it may be, we have to learn from it and move on, no matter how much it may hurt

If my wishes would be answered from above I would wish that I could fly, so I could fly to you and when I dream at night of the sweetest, warmest and most wonderful sleep with you than I would wish in the morning that I could sleep that way with you each and every night....and I would wish that I could be with you, always being with you in the morning, during the day and all through the night.

It is too much to ask and it is what no one will ever get, their Wishes answered and their Dreams come true, but just 1 little Wish to make a Dream come true, is that too much to ask?

I know I'll keep wishing and I know I'll keep dreaming and if we let it happen and if we are really meant to be together forever, I know that our Dreams will come true :)

I love you

M

The Story Of A Heart

Sorry that this story took so long, I did not have a lot of inspiration lately and I couldn't find interesting, sweet and kind things to write since I've written already many, many things here on my blog but this is something new I've been working on, I tried to make it something that will speak to you when you read it and I hope it will show that how good something may be, It can always be better than it looks and time will tell it to you if the impression you have of someone will stay the same all the time or gets better or worse

Have a good time reading and I hope you will remember better times

''You will remember it all you life when you meet a person that fits you so, so well that you want to tell him everything and want to share everything with him, that life seems nothing but a party and that it doesn't matter where he is, where he is from, if he is rich or poor or is cute or not, you know you want to be there so bad that it physically hurts that you aren't there, it is called ''a true love''

A person that has a listening ear for you and where you can spill all your problems without being judged for them, where that person tries to be the best for you and make you happy every single way he can, even tough he isn't perfect he tries to be perfect for you just to make you happy and feel good

When this person makes you happy you start to feel warm inside, your heart starts to glow and give you wonderful feelings inside and you know you want more, you started to get addicted to this person but it is commonly known as ''being in love'' and it is true, when you're in love you don't want anything else than be with the person you're in love with all the time and try to make this person as happy as this person makes you happy
If we ask Wikipedia what love is Wikipedia will say that it is an emotional reaction to a person that gives chemical reactions that feel good but I think what we had was so much stronger, what we had was so, so perfect, it was way further than in love, you weren't my true love, you were so much more, like a ''soul/heart/mind/body mate'' I don't know how else to describe it

Every moment I was with you it was like a dream, the way we could talk the talk, how the connection between us was so strong from the beginning, that every night we smiled together when we imagined everything we wanted to, that we loved each other already from the beginning and that you made me feel the way no one has ever done before and I can still feel you inside my heart, I hear your voice in my head telling me everything will be alright while it isn't, but just to hear it makes me feel better, my heart still plays our story when I feel sad, just like it did when I wasn't here and in the moments I wanted to give up, your voice made me continue my way

But like every good story, there is a sad part too... what happens when 2 people love each other with all their heart but can never be together, well let's just say 3 years but that's no difference with forever, what would you do? would you give up or stick together, Will your love fight the tears of your lover and make him/her believe that even tough you're far, your mind is always with that person and that you will always be there, not physical but in his/her heart, can you beat time?
It's something we've been telling ourselves for a long time that we would never give up and that it's just 3 years, but no matter how strong a love is, missing you won in the end and cost me you.

''Our story hasn't ended yet, our story is always writing something new when the ends starts to come near, so just believe me when I say that there will always be a little bit of me with you all your life'' even tough there are moments we will be lonely and alone in a room, inside we will never be alone again, no matter what life brings us, my heart will never forget our story and I love you always

It isn't fair that the true hearts can't be together always, that the cheaters and the people that don't love each other can be together but that's the way love is, when you find someone that makes you sing you just have to do more afford to get what is really just your to have, you can just give your heart to one person
This person becomes the most precious thing in life when your heart tells you that he/she is the one for you to grow old with, don't doubt because of anything, when he/she is the right person for you go for it and do all you can to convince him/her that you are made for each other and make your own little fairy tale like I have had with You, a Story Of A Heart

So believe me when I say that I love you, I made this blog that is dedicated to you because I love you and every post I made beside 'Father's Day'' all are related to you to express the feelings I have in that moment or that day about you or because of you, I've written a song for you because I love you and still haven't posted it because I think you won't like it but one day I will, I really miss you and I think it is a shame we aren't together anymore and I've got to live with it and that I don't like it won't change it so I can only let it be the way it is now.

What the future will bring to you is happiness, I know it and won't stand in your way for you to find it because I wish you all the happiness in the world even tough it means that I can't give it to you, but my heart will never forget you and our story, so whatever happens..

I Love you

M

Makebeliever

Should I say that I am sorry for asking people to look for my blog, to be sorry that people in the world can read that since I've lost you I am not the same anymore, that I did so many things alone and far away from home and still doing the best I can to care for you even tough we aren't together, and your parents must have done something very good to have you, because you are very special
But is it bad that the world can read that you were and still are so, so special in my life and what you meant and still mean for me so that they can believe that there is love for them too and that they can find a person too that loves them very much and that makes them feel happy and in love all the time, something that makes them believe that modern fairytales still exist even tough our ended a little sooner than we expected

Should I be sorry for asking people to ask friends about this blog and my flagcounter? so what that I have a flagcounter? you don't like it that other people can read that it doesn't take 2 extraordinary people to live a fairytale together? or do you think that when I ask people to read it that the blog is suddenly less about you and me? but I am sorry if you don't like it.

I like the counter, that I can see people from all over the world to read that it doesn't matter where they live, how they look or whatever else for that matter, everybody can find happiness when you keep searching on places you wouldn't expect.

And another thing, why would I be more mad or sad with what you've written the other day, why wouldn't I suddenly not like to be in your arms while I wrote it myself and why can't I wonder why you gave your answer because I didn't expect it, because if I could and I still mean it today I WISH, WANT, NEED and DESIRE you in my arms all day and all night, sleep with you, make love with you, kiss you, take you to a restaurant and go to the beach with you but I can't do it, alright!?

Maybe I did something wrong in your eyes today to make you write what you wrote and it made me sad so I listened a song today and It really makes me feel like I feel, it is called ''I Am Not Perfect'' and sorry I am not, I tried the best I could but I am not and I don't know if I should be perfect but I feel like I have to be, and after what you've written today I am certain about my case, I haven't told it to you and I am glad I didn't because now I won't hesitate no more about my cause
My cause is better for you..

So if you give up I guess I have to do the same, Goodbye.

M

I DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU WROTE AND YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE SAID LAST TIME I TALKED WITH YOU, IF WE ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER WE WILL FIND EACH OTHER AGAIN, I LIKE TO READ YOUR BLOG AND I DON'T LIKE IT IF YOU STOP :(

BUT IF YOU MUST THAN I WON'T STOP YOU :'(

NOT A Good Day

I wrote yesterday that I wouldn't write for the entire week but I couldn't let it to not write a little about today you know, It's what is keeping me busy, It is what can keep me a little excited when I look at the flag counter and see that I have a new flag and I still find it important to let you know how I am

Today has not been a good day, my legs hurt, my belly hurts and the rain doesn't seem to stop so I've been inside a cafe most of the day, I had a good conversation with the German owner but nothing more than that
Today while I was walking I had to think a lot about what I wrote, what will come next in life and what you wrote, I don't really understand what you mean with ''the best would be wonderful'' Ok, I understand it was about my post about having my arms around you but I don't understand why you say it, I'd like to have my arms around you but I can't do it so it doesn't matter what I think about it (understand it this way?), even if it was for only once and I've imagined it today for some reason, that we'd be together and I had my arms around you, strange tough but still it brought back good memories

I'm a little ill today, had to throw up in the morning and thought I was going to die, luckily not but still it was pretty terrifying when I woke and I noticed I couldn't stop, I felt so guilty about messing the place up where I was that I asked the cleaning lady in the Hotel if she could supply me with some things to clean it, I cleaned it and thanked the lady before I started to walk again
I'm still so tired you know, I couldn't sleep again last night, I can sleep enough when I'm dead and just so late at night I could only think in the times I was awake with you and I had a dream, A ''night'' dream? I don't know if there is a word or sentence for a dream while you're not asleep at night, I guess it isn't a ''day'' dream but I don't know what to call it so I go for a ''night'' dream

So around 03:00 I was dreaming that I was with you and that you said I couldn't go away anymore but in the dream we could only be together for the night and it made you cry, even in dreams I do it.. but I told you that we could stay awake all night so we could be every second together and it made you more happy, I remember that the cuddling felt so real and the kisses too but finally the weather outside kept me out of my dream again, I was so mad :S

I see that I am not over you, but one day I have to because you are not mine to keep and it is a sad thing because there is no person like you, you even have the same back problem as I have, doesn't that mean that we are made for each other, like magnets contract north with south, just like us.

I guess we will never know

M

(I didn't want to make you sad with what I wrote and it seems you've got the wrong impression of it so I am sorry, I love you)

Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell - Ain't No Mountain High Enough

Listen Baby...

Ain't no mountain High
Ain't no valley Low
Ain't no river wide enough baby

If you need me call me
no matter where you are
no matter how far (don't worry baby)
ill be there in a hurry
you don't have to worry

Cause baby there
Ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you babe

Remember the day
When I said you free
I told you you could always always count on me yeah
From that day on
i made a vow
ill be there when you want me
someday somehow

Cause baby there
Ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you babe

Oh no darling (no wind, no rain)

All winter's cold cant stop me baby
(now don't stop me baby)
if you're ever in trouble
I'll be there on the double
just sitting for me
ooo yeah

Ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from you

Ain't no mountain high enough
Nothing can keep me keep me from you

Ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from you babe...

Ain't no mountain High enough

No Time To Write

As you've might noticed I've written a few little things today, It's better to write a little because I won't write anymore next week, I simply don't have the time, I need to make up the time I've lost with going the wrong direction, so I should actually walk non-stop to see where I will end up.

I am not doing so well and the lack of energy will let ''The Story Of A Heart'' wait a little longer for being finished because I'm so tired, I want to fall asleep but I can't, I want to dream again and I can't, I stay awake all night every night and even tough I have no energy I still can't sleep and I decide to walk again at 2:45 in the morning all day till 8 to see if there is a supermarket open or maybe a simple bakery, but I feel sick just with the smell of food and it sucks, Bleeeeeegh I hate my life so much at the moment that I don't care if it's over today or tomorrow..

Have a good week and I hope the party you are working on will be good

I (still) Love you

M

Poem #10

I miss you more than words can say
I cry, without you, every night
I move through days as though I'm numb
When you're not here, I don't feel right

I miss your smile, the sound of your laugh
I long for the taste of your kiss
I can't wait to see your face
I never thought I'd need you like this

I need to hear your voice in my ears
I miss your fingers running through my hair
I want to feel your hand in mine
I miss the late-night talks we share

You're the only one who knows me
You see straight into my heart
That's why I can't stand one more day
Of you and I being apart.
M

Search Inside Me

The bad food starts to take it's toll, of course it is impossible to eat nothing but apples from a tree, some occasional berries and cookies, I lost a lot of weight these months, around 12-15 kg I think, I think it looks good for some reason but I know I can't stay this way forever and I don't have the luxury of a supermarket every 2 km here like I had at home...

Home is where the heart is, is where the people that care are and that miss you, Home is where your mother awaits you with a listening ear for your problems (I hope it's the same for you) and Home is where your father is who will do his best to give you everything you need to be happy and become successful in your life (Again it is what I hope you have too) and Home is where the people are where all the people are where I ran away from.. :'(

The weather is starting to get worse and worse so I walk only a few times a day because it is just dangerous sometimes and beside that I think...I don't think I will be happy again so soon, not home, not where I will go next, not inside, especially not inside me.

Inside me isn't a wonderland filled with candy, little bunnies and all things to pleasure the mind and senses.. No, it isn't that place anymore for a while, but my mind used to be like that, it used to be filled with everything I could imagine and all I could imagine was you, I saw you in my mind, in my heart and in my arms, I could see you everywhere I went, taking a shower with me, I saw you fall asleep in my arms every night but woke with empty arms in the morning.

You were everything I wanted and you were everywhere I looked but unfortunately you were mine temporarily how much I even tried, and I had to let you go and now I can't find you anymore, I searched in the back of my head if I could remember the nights we spend together and every day I try to find you again in my heart to see if you are still there, and are you?; because it becomes harder and harder to find you, I just am still so sad because of the games we used to play together are still written on paper, the words and thoughts we shared are still in my memory and your face is still near me every day, your letter and ring are (I think) still in my room, you can understand it was to hard to take them with me, It was so hard to find you but I did and it was so easy to loose you, I didn't have to do anything for it and sometimes I just wish if I could just have 1 more day with you but than I say to myself that the day will be over too soon and it has no additional value and will do nothing more than hurt again for both in the end.

I really thought we would be together always, you inside me but I don't want to get old alone so I have to keep searching for number #2 but I want you to know that you are number #1 just as...

M

(P.S. I will try to upload a photo of me in 2 weeks or so)

What will happen....

I seriously don't know what to write anymore, all my energy is being drained from my thoughts to my feet to keep me moving and now of my lack of energy I've been walking the wrong direction yesterday and walked further into Germany....Fuck it.. I just write because I got nothing to just, I'll tell a little about what I see now

Like I just said I walked the wrong way, I walked in the direction of Bayern, I believe it is called Bavaria in English but I'm not sure, I followed a road alongside a river and I was thinking why it took so long to get to The Netherlands, because I was sure I had to see some road signs today leading to Dutch cities but unfortunately Munich started to appear once and when I saw it again and I saw the distance till there got shorter I kinda wasn't too happy about it but getting mad won't change it and I need the energy and besides that the energy goes to my feet, it unfortunately keeps running through my mind

I can't stop thinking in what will happen when I get home, even tough you've said that they will probably be very happy when I get back I would like to remind you that they take my things away for days when I do something they don't like, what if they tell me to get out and don't come back, what will I do than, what can I do than?
I don't know that many people and I don't know anyone that would take me in for weeks till university starts, I...I...I just don't know what to do and there is no one that will or can help me with it, I don't know what will be when I get home :(

I just want to run away again you know, just like I used to do, just run and avoid the confrontation from things I never liked, everybody has those feelings sometimes like when you have an oral exam some people want to sink through the floor because they are so nervous, I'm not one of those people luckily but I have way bigger problems than an oral exam, I run away from all difficult things in life instead of facing them, I'm just a wussy sometimes, I'm too sweet sometimes and other moments I am ''too much'' of something, I don't know how else to explain, I'm too sweet, too mad, too caring, just ''too'' and that is never something good, ''too'' much of something is always bad, maybe I couldn't keep you because I loved you ''too'' much

M

Almost Home...

Dark sky today here in the middle of Germania, laying here on a hill and it is raining very much, AAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!!!! I hate rain, damn it, I don't mind rain for that matter, just let it rain when I sleep somewhere warm instead of outside in a little tent or whatever I should call it, I've been in this country for 3 days now and all I saw was rain and old people, I can't sleep because of the noise that it makes, I want to sleep!! I NEED to sleep, but I can't, not even if I lay in a warm bed now, I am not at peace with myself, there is so much left for me to do here alone and I am not doing well on the inside, I really need a doctor here, But I will change, I won't think bad anymore so let's hope I will be doing better tomorrow

It's been a while since I've heard from you, I've read your blog a few times and sometimes you've written something new, but since I've heard nothing I think it's time for me to write something new, these messages won't be so good as some previous ones because I'm out of inspiration to write, I feel like nothing, I don't want nothing and I will do nothing, I've only got inspiration for your story and for all other things I just got nothing, sorry

The days start to blend together, every day is one and the same, just wake up alone, break up my tent and pack them in my bag, sometimes take a dive in a lake or a river (god knows what might live in there but why would I care?) buy some drinks and food for the day and walk all day alone, rest a little alone, eat something alone and sleep again alone, I wish there was something better for me :(

I hope to be home in a few days and I really still am worried for what my parents might say or do, if they are happy to see me or kick me out, because when they kick me out I am afraid our ways will end here, I don't know what I will do than, I will be homeless than and I bet after a while will run out of money so it would just be a matter of time before I have to sell my things... and .... and..... I guess I just am afraid of their reaction that I already start to imagine what will have to come, like I did with you, just imagine with what had to come :'-(

All I can do daily is write my story for you, just write about ''The story of a heart'' and it is going to be so good, It is going to be the best post I so far did and it is what is keeping my mind a little busy, makes me think that I can finish something that is unfinished and that it will be good for the future, but how nice it maybe can be, I still wish I never would have had to write it, because when I used to miss you I just had to get on my laptop, go online to MSN or Skype and you were always there, didn't matter if it was 08:00 or 03:00 you were always there for me, you'd listen to everything I had to say and helped me where ever you could but of course I wished you were always in my arms to hold but the laptop was the second best, but now when I miss you I know you're not there and to be honest, I really miss it, I miss our connection and the things we could talk about, just missing everything about ''us'' :(

M

Guess how my night is going to be..:-(

Sleep well and get a good grade!

Cold and Wet Max

Cold and Dark

I never wanted to be in the place where I am now, not the physical nor the mental location, I need to live with the fact that it's over between you and me, that I won't be with the one I love most forever, that the children I imagined we'd get will never be there and that I won't marry you and it is so hard when I keep thining about it, that a decision you made can change the life and future of a person you knew from far away, what we had was beautiful, I am not perfect, but I was worth the wait

I feel lonely out here, I'm bored and I'm sick every day and feeling worse by the minute, just imaging the reaction of my parents when they see me, I just can get to the 2 most likely, first is that they hug me and are very happy to have me back but the second reaction isn't that good, I'll see them kick me out again and say that I can't come back and to be honest, I don't blame them, I've been away for like 2 months or something but it feels so much shorter, like 2 weeks or something but I just can't stop thinking in their reactions, it keeps me awake at night but now getting to the point of "Cold and Dark"

1) how I am doing
2) little riddle

How I am doing... I just write it because of your post on your blog, and I wish you luck for your pharmacology exam :)

Short answer; I'm not doing well

Long answer; I'm really not doing well but I can't tell you why, I don't want you to worry, you got enough problems of your own for as far as I can read it on your blog..

But now the little riddle, I will replace the "Mystery" word with "Ice" so you don't get confused

Good luck with the solving :)

It's something everybody has, everybody has ice in their body
Ice where everybody walks on, it's hard and it can hold the weight of a truck so some people can jump on it or throw rocks on it but it won't break, just scratches but that doesn't matter, it will freeze again so it will get better, but for everyone there is someone that can make the Ice melt, a sweet and kind person will make the Ice less thick, a person that you want to have in the Ice so it melts so it's just a little layer, but if this person jumps, but you trust this person because when the person jumps it will crush the Ice and will bring more pain than you can imagine, this person will drown in the water and hurt you more but as we all now, when someone breaks the ice and it freezes again, it will never be the same again doesn't matter how much you try, the cracks in the ice will always be visible till the day you die and the ice starts to melt..

I hoped you people liked it and got the "Mystery" word and if you did... Congratulations and 10 points for you :)

M

(P.S I am working on a little story called "The Story Of A Heart" and it is for you to feel better, I don't like what I read and I really hoped you'd feel better after you did what you did but you are right; life ain't fucking easy, but better days lay ahead and will bring someone that will be your for all time and love you the way I did and will worry for your skin problem like I do now, just so you know I still care)

I'm a Cliché

Patsy Cline - Crazy

Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so lonely

I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday you'd leave me for somebody new
Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wond'ring what in the world did I do?
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you.

(performed by Willie Nelson)

A Little Closer Home

The closer I'm coming home, the further I want to run away again, what is so wrong with me that I deserve this feeling, feelings of loneliness and feeling nothing but pain and envy because of the way I am.

Life is cruel to me for some reason, I walked every day because nobody could give me a lift, not even while it rained, I thought I was a good person, a caring and nice person for everyone but I think I'm not that person who I thought I was, I start to understand many things now why you went away, I just wished I was more nice in the end, some weeks before we could get mad at each other for nothing and I just took you for granted, it was a big mistake from me.

I'm in a hotel now in the middle of Poland I think because the road signs say something like ''Warszawa'' and I think it's the capital city so I'm on my way but still got like 1500 km to go I think it will take a long time before I'm home and I wish I didn't have to go home, I just want to stay away from my old life, I don't want to be near the things I know, I want to forget about everything that ever happened to me, because all I had were bad in the end, I just got nightmares every night, I see things that aren't there and it keeps haunting me, I'm here in misery but I'm glad you aren't, I want to forget all about everything and everyone I ever met because in the end I always lose all that I asked for but couldn't have.

I'm just a dumbass and a believer, believing in everyone but never getting what I was promised and it hurts, it hurts because I can't change what I am.

I just don't want to be near anyone I love anymore, I don't want a hug or a kiss from you or my parents because it will only hurt me, but being far away hurts too, it hurts more than I will ever be able to describe but still I got to go home, I go back because of my parents, I'm not heading back because I want to, If it was up to me I would still be there in the mountains with the beautiful lakes and the beautiful stars at night so I could keep wishing and wishing for better things that will never come.

I just never want to feel what I felt for you, I don't want it and I can't take it, I can't take this feelings I feel any longer, I don't want to be lonely and in misery, I don't want all afford I put in you to make you happy and see myself hurt again in the end, I just don't want it, I'm better off alone.

I too sometimes imagine what would have happened if this never happened, where we would be now but I can't see it, I just can see where I am every day, I'm in hell every single day, I could be dead just as easy, maybe it would even be better than where I am now, I shouldn't be feeling this way, it's not fair :(

Life Ain't Fair!

M

(P.S. Just answer my question about if it was the right choice after 13-02-2012 please, dank u wel)

On My Way Home

The Pause isn't over yet but I'd like to tell you what I am doing at the moment since I've heard nothing from you anymore

I'm on my way home but I'm not going by plane or by train, I decided to see if I can catch a ride with people, just see how hospitable they can be or not and I am really looking forward to this experience, I'd really like to know if I can get home all the way from St. Petersburg, I don't know what to expect but I have good hope, I bet there are many trucks that need to go to Poland or Germany and I bet there are trucks that need to go to The Netherlands

I wish I too could say that I was doing well and was looking forward to my normal life again but I don't, I really am getting ill and my mind just constantly thinks in dying soon, I wake every night thinking that life is so short and that it is over so soon and nobody here will remember me, I have no one to leave behind, not a person that will be sad, I'm sure my parents will miss me and some members of my family, maybe you will think in me but I'm not sure about it anymore, I'm not sure about anything anymore

The crying doesn't stop either, I keep hurting myself with the past and that I was being a fool again, giving everything I could and trying to make someone happy, I know I'm not perfect but what I felt for you was true and that made me feel perfect, believing everything you said and believing in the promises you made and it hurts, not that it matters anymore

My bags are packed, hotelroom has been payed for, called my parents that I'm on my way, almost time to check out, so after this post it's time for me to go, but before I go I would like to ask you something..

Could you let me know in the future if the choice you made was the best ?

I don't need to hear it this or next month, not even this year, just take your time and when you think enough time has passed I hope you can let me know if the choice you made was the best, just send a little mail or something but I can understand it if you don't do it

I think the choice was the best you made, I'm far away from you and I love you more than anyone else can, but I can't show it :'(

M

Crying over you

I can't stop crying and I can't forget you, you are that person where stories of the past are about, memories I cary with me for all my life, stories to tell when I'm old

I can't stop crying :'(

I will have to wait again, I see you can smile again and that you want to forget me, It is hard for me to say that it is the best but I would lie if I said that it isn't the best for you

Life is so short and you need to live it to the fullest and you do it the way you want it, smiling again is very good for you

As I look back on all that's happened..growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me -- there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever..and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.

It is a message that I send with you, hoping that you carry my existence with you, that you don't forget how love can be, that it can make you smile and cry, that it can make you imagine things that you've never imagined before and I really hope you get happy

I didn't even want to write it but you deserve to know it, that we are not together anymore doesn't mean I wish you the worst for the future, I wish you something good and I see you found it I guess, you can smile again and I am happy you do..
But I can't stop crying :'(

I just have to wait again, I have to wait forever :'(

M

Pause

You are better without me and I can see it is better this way because I just make you feel miserable and you already have such a difficult time, so it's time for me to shut up for a while, you don't need to read my words anymore for a long time, a time where anything can happen with me, time where I need to start caring for myself again

It is easy if I say that everything I do and feel is your fault, but I'm not a person to say "it's your fault" because for some reason I always think it's mine and I guess it is
I didn't went to you in the summer even tough I had the chance, I got the ticket and even tough the problems you had at home I should have gone to you and I still see myself as the blame for it

I need to revive and rest, I need to go to the hospital again alone, just having my perfect life back

But I can't go before wishing you some things

I wish better days for you
I wish you a good future
I wish you a good summer
I wish you good results from the exams
I wish you a wonderful life
I wish you a new lover
I wish someone can make you happy

I wish you find your true love

And thank you, thank you for the time I got to know you

Me

Craig David - Walking Away

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

sometimes some people get me wrong
when it's something I've said or done
sometimes you feel there is no fun
that's why you turn and run
but now I truly realise 
some people don't wanna compromise
well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live a lie, too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

Well I'm so tired baby
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the powder room baby 
don't listen to the games they play
girl I thought you'd realise 
I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live a lie, too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away