Not doing Well

I'm not doing well... Not doing well at all :/ I will tell you why.

Been a week now since my mother told me I'm not welcome anymore, but I still need something to hold on to or I go crazy and as you have read, my mind is getting a bit more 'dark' I am not afraid anymore of what the future may hold for me because I just don't care anymore, I don't care if I get better or not, or if I have to sleep in the gutters, I just don't care about it anymore because it won't change a thing, there is only one thing/person I care for and it isn't hard to guess who that person is..

It should have been the day we've been waiting for, my mother called me but  not with the message I hoped she'd have for me... just asking me if I had a new address where she could send my mail to but I had to disappoint her, but I couldn't tell if she felt sorry for me or not, she just wished me a good day and hang up.
God, I'm feeling so lonely here and in 4 days I am out of internet and I can't call anymore, the subscription will end and I don't have enough cash for a new phone :(

Look at me wining about my life while there are so many more people in the world whose lives are much more worse than mine, for example, people living in Iraq that see there loved ones being killed day by day or little children in Somalia that starve to death, and just hear me complaining about my life in one of the richest countries in the world, but they have there loved ones near them...

For now all I've been doing is trying to do good for me, trying to take care of me and just think in myself but it is where I suck at most, I am good at caring for someone else, I think I can say that I am very good at it, but I need someone to care for me and the person that could do it the best is far away now...
........
............and all that I have left of you is resting in my heart...
Help me 'cause I'm bleeding.....

M