In The Hospital..

Been away for a while as some of you may noticed, I usually would write every 1-2 days or even multiple times a day but I couldn't, because I'm in the hospital..

I don't know why but for some reason I got a heart attack.. just what I needed when all things come together in case of trouble, I should be in university tomorrow but I can't, don't listen to people when they say ''whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger'' that's not the way it works, I feel very lifeless, I can't remember what happened the past days, I can just remember that I am so busy with everything that comes to this point, decorate my room, get my books, supplies for university, earning money to rent the room and buy myself groceries, maybe all that stress just came out and I fell down.

I couldn't believe what the doctor told me 2 days ago, they kept me in a coma and he said I got very, very lucky and even tough I don't share his opinion we could both laugh about it, deep inside I didn't laugh, but I didn't but I didn't want to ruin the moment, that moment I was happy to be alive

Maybe there is something better for me, maybe ''He'' has a better purpose for me, I don't believe in a God tough, but it can be called a miracle that I'm still here, but I have no idea why, I'm all by myself here, no family or anyone that has visited me so far, so I decided to grab my laptop and write a little something because you got home and I'm happy for it, but I see that I shouldn't be happy anymore or wait for anything, and I guess that I shouldn't mentioned I counted the days till you got back, at least I counted them as far as I could

I'm sorry if my last post hurt you in any way, and if your new wish or dream is to go back to where you just were than you should follow it and like you said, make me forget your existence, than I'm sorry, I can't forget your existence, the only thing I'll do is wondering about you, wondering where you are, what you do and what you became, because that are the things we tried to have for ourselves, but that dream has become a nightmare and of course, what can you do with me, 19-year old with a heart attack and will be sick all his life, not the dream you and me had in mind for ourselves.

Now I don't have you anymore, just guess if I sleep well..

Dreams just don't come true, they just happen or they don't.

M