Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Patsy Cline - Crazy


Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so lonely

I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday you'd leave me for somebody new
Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wond'ring what in the world did I do?
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you.

(performed by Willie Nelson)

A Little Closer Home

The closer I'm coming home, the further I want to run away again, what is so wrong with me that I deserve this feeling, feelings of loneliness and feeling nothing but pain and envy because of the way I am.

Life is cruel to me for some reason, I walked every day because nobody could give me a lift, not even while it rained, I thought I was a good person, a caring and nice person for everyone but I think I'm not that person who I thought I was, I start to understand many things now why you went away, I just wished I was more nice in the end, some weeks before we could get mad at each other for nothing and I just took you for granted, it was a big mistake from me.

I'm in a hotel now in the middle of Poland I think because the road signs say something like ''Warszawa'' and I think it's the capital city so I'm on my way but still got like 1500 km to go I think it will take a long time before I'm home and I wish I didn't have to go home, I just want to stay away from my old life, I don't want to be near the things I know, I want to forget about everything that ever happened to me, because all I had were bad in the end, I just got nightmares every night, I see things that aren't there and it keeps haunting me, I'm here in misery but I'm glad you aren't, I want to forget all about everything and everyone I ever met because in the end I always lose all that I asked for but couldn't have.

I'm just a dumbass and a believer, believing in everyone but never getting what I was promised and it hurts, it hurts because I can't change what I am.

I just don't want to be near anyone I love anymore, I don't want a hug or a kiss from you or my parents because it will only hurt me, but being far away hurts too, it hurts more than I will ever be able to describe but still I got to go home, I go back because of my parents, I'm not heading back because I want to, If it was up to me I would still be there in the mountains with the beautiful lakes and the beautiful stars at night so I could keep wishing and wishing for better things that will never come.

I just never want to feel what I felt for you, I don't want it and I can't take it, I can't take this feelings I feel any longer, I don't want to be lonely and in misery, I don't want all afford I put in you to make you happy and see myself hurt again in the end, I just don't want it, I'm better off alone.

I too sometimes imagine what would have happened if this never happened, where we would be now but I can't see it, I just can see where I am every day, I'm in hell every single day, I could be dead just as easy, maybe it would even be better than where I am now, I shouldn't be feeling this way, it's not fair :(

Life Ain't Fair!

M

(P.S. Just answer my question about if it was the right choice after 13-02-2012 please, dank u wel)

Sunday, June 26, 2011

On My Way Home


The Pause isn't over yet but I'd like to tell you what I am doing at the moment since I've heard nothing from you anymore

I'm on my way home but I'm not going by plane or by train, I decided to see if I can catch a ride with people, just see how hospitable they can be or not and I am really looking forward to this experience, I'd really like to know if I can get home all the way from St. Petersburg, I don't know what to expect but I have good hope, I bet there are many trucks that need to go to Poland or Germany and I bet there are trucks that need to go to The Netherlands

I wish I too could say that I was doing well and was looking forward to my normal life again but I don't, I really am getting ill and my mind just constantly thinks in dying soon, I wake every night thinking that life is so short and that it is over so soon and nobody here will remember me, I have no one to leave behind, not a person that will be sad, I'm sure my parents will miss me and some members of my family, maybe you will think in me but I'm not sure about it anymore, I'm not sure about anything anymore

The crying doesn't stop either, I keep hurting myself with the past and that I was being a fool again, giving everything I could and trying to make someone happy, I know I'm not perfect but what I felt for you was true and that made me feel perfect, believing everything you said and believing in the promises you made and it hurts, not that it matters anymore

My bags are packed, hotelroom has been payed for, called my parents that I'm on my way, almost time to check out, so after this post it's time for me to go, but before I go I would like to ask you something..

Could you let me know in the future if the choice you made was the best ?

I don't need to hear it this or next month, not even this year, just take your time and when you think enough time has passed I hope you can let me know if the choice you made was the best, just send a little mail or something but I can understand it if you don't do it

I think the choice was the best you made, I'm far away from you and I love you more than anyone else can, but I can't show it :'(

M

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Crying over you


I can't stop crying and I can't forget you, you are that person where stories of the past are about, memories I cary with me for all my life, stories to tell when I'm old

I can't stop crying :'(

I will have to wait again, I see you can smile again and that you want to forget me, It is hard for me to say that it is the best but I would lie if I said that it isn't the best for you

Life is so short and you need to live it to the fullest and you do it the way you want it, smiling again is very good for you
As I look back on all that's happened..growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me -- there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever..and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.

It is a message that I send with you, hoping that you carry my existence with you, that you don't forget how love can be, that it can make you smile and cry, that it can make you imagine things that you've never imagined before and I really hope you get happy

I didn't even want to write it but you deserve to know it, that we are not together anymore doesn't mean I wish you the worst for the future, I wish you something good and I see you found it I guess, you can smile again and I am happy you do..
But I can't stop crying :'(

I just have to wait again, I have to wait forever :'(

M

Monday, June 20, 2011

Pause


You are better without me and I can see it is better this way because I just make you feel miserable and you already have such a difficult time, so it's time for me to shut up for a while, you don't need to read my words anymore for a long time, a time where anything can happen with me, time where I need to start caring for myself again

It is easy if I say that everything I do and feel is your fault, but I'm not a person to say "it's your fault" because for some reason I always think it's mine and I guess it is
I didn't went to you in the summer even tough I had the chance, I got the ticket and even tough the problems you had at home I should have gone to you and I still see myself as the blame for it

I need to revive and rest, I need to go to the hospital again alone, just having my perfect life back

But I can't go before wishing you some things

I wish better days for you
I wish you a good future
I wish you a good summer
I wish you good results from the exams
I wish you a wonderful life
I wish you a new lover
I wish someone can make you happy

I wish you find your true love

And thank you, thank you for the time I got to know you

Me

Craig David - Walking Away

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

sometimes some people get me wrong
when it's something I've said or done
sometimes you feel there is no fun
that's why you turn and run
but now I truly realise 
some people don't wanna compromise
well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live a lie, too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

Well I'm so tired baby
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the powder room baby 
don't listen to the games they play
girl I thought you'd realise 
I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live a lie, too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away




''I can still get so mad at you, I can cry and I can scream, I can curse your name or blame my own, I can shout out what you've done to me and I can do so many things that hurt you but it would hurt me in the same, I can scream that what you've done is mean and that I never should have trusted you, that all you've promised me was too good to be true and that I had to see that it was just a lie, I want to shout that you'll never find a person like me again and I can get mad, so, so mad...but what will it change? I am here and you are there...I'm not turning in a  person I am not, I hope you remember me as
the person you liked, that person is still me, It's me''

M

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day



Today it is the day of the father, the man that made it possible for you to be born, a father that can be a dick sometimes but in my eyes my father is the man that kept me on the straight path, that was there when I needed him and he made sure everything I needed was there for me so I could have the best possible care for me

Of course not everybody has a great father, some fathers run away when their child gets born or some fathers just don't care for you and they abuse you or even worse

This day is to remind all children that they have a father, some have short fathers, others tall, some are rich and some are poor but that doesn't matter, a father loves you with all of his heart, at least mine does :)

I just feel so unhappy that I am not with him today, that I am far away, I run away thinking I could solve my problems while they just got worse, I never should have stopped the treatment for myself, I should be there now giving a gift to my father and telling him that every day he is there for me and that I thank him for being my father and that he is good for me, my brother, my sister and my mother and that we are all thankful for him and that he is with us

so Dad, if you read this..

Ik ben blij dat je mijn vader bent :)

M

Will you remember me when you're 50? or will you remember me tomorrow?
Will you think in me when there's someone that doesn't understand you the way I did. will you think in me when someone doesn't has as much patience or love as I had to offer you

Maybe you will forget me soon and to be honest, maybe it's better for you and maybe it can help you find your life before me again, I think it would feel better than you feel today

I'm not so special as you sometimes said I was, just look at the place where you found me, how can you find a sweet person there, how could you find love there, how could I find you there? maybe it was the best thing that ever happened to me or maybe not, just look where I am now, look where you are now

I wanted it all, I wanted all that you could offer me and I wanted to give you all of me and I know you wanted it too, time went too slow even tough we knew and we wanted to wait all the time

Why did I believe you when you said all the things about me, Why'd you lie.. I did not deserve it :(

I don't need another sorry or ''I wish it was different'' I just needed you and nothing more

If you'd ask me now where I live for..I'd say..

nothing

M

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Christina Perri - Sad Song

Today, I'm gonna write a sad song
Gonna make it really long
So that everyone can see
That I'm very unhappy

I wish I wasn't always wrong
I wish it wasn't always my fault
The finger that you're pointing
Has knocked me on my knees
And all you need to know is

I'm so sorry, it's not like me
It's maturity that I'm lacking
So don't, don't let me go
Just let me know that growing up goes slow

I wonder what my mom and dad would say
If I told them that I cry each day
It's hard enough to live so far away

I wish it wasn't always cold
I wish I wasn't always alone
When the parties are over
How will I get home
And all you need to know is

I'm so sorry, it's not like me
It's maturity that I'm lacking
So don't, don't let me go
Just let me know that growing up goes slow

If all the rules are meant to bend
And you swore you were my friend
Now I have to start all over again
'Cause no one's going to take your place
And I'm scared, I'll never save
All the pieces of the love we made

And I'm so sorry, it's not like me
It's maturity that I'm lacking
So don't, don't let me go
Just let me know that I can slip and fall
And you won't let me go
Just let me know that growing up goes slow

And I'm so sorry, it's not like me
It's maturity that I'm lacking
So don't, don't let me go
Just let me know that growing up goes slow


Trust Nobody


When I was younger and I was more stupid, I trusted in everybody that has ever hurt me in my life and it was wrong of me to think it would change when I got older because I still get hurt, I have a lot of time here to do things I like, but I don't seem to like anything anymore, I used to get wild when I saw a Ferrari or whatever other nice car but now they just drive by and I see my sad face in the paint on the car

Trust is for the people that don't care about themselves or what can or may happen but every time I started to trust someone new I got hurt, but it is ok, I loved you for who you are and of course I trusted you when you told me things and congratulate yourself with the fact that I trusted you most of all people and that you were the most important person in my life for a while but for now and I think always, I don't think I want to die for a person like I wanted for you or something else like

I was dumb enough to believe you would actually wait, hell..I was dumb enough to think you would always be mine while it even was a mistake to be your in the first place, I kept you away from parties and being with friends just so we could talk, bad, bad me

Now, in the end, what kind of person am I or was I?
I could have you for 1 year without even be close to you, I guess I loved you very much, at least enough to have you as my own for that time, I think you remember how much I loved you and wanted to be with you

As I look back I wonder what I did wrong, Was it wrong to ask you to marry me or have children with me and you said yes, yes of course, but the only thing we did was ''in the future'' and not in the present, but if you ask me if  I regret anything I said or did with you? no, definitely not, If I could do it over I did the same things again

you haven't made a mistake, you did what you thought was best for you, like you said that you don't know if it was the best decision, I can't fill in that answer, at least you can find someone near you, someone that doesn't have to learn your language like I tried.
I can only say things that you already know about love, as we taught each other, and that you won't find it again, at least not as much as I gave you..

You said you regret everything you did with me, I'm sorry to hear it but I guess you are right :'(

M

Friday, June 17, 2011

My Life


Another sleepless night, a night where I have to keep awake so I don't die in my sleep, a night where I don't see the things from the past, because they already haunt me enough by day, when I shower I see you there, when I go to the bathroom I see you there with me, don't ask me why but I can't go on this way

Walking here alone in this big city, avoiding all the contact with people, every person I see looks like you and every face I see on a painting in the Hermitage says it's you that was painted, it didn't matter if it was painted in 1685 or 2011, it just said your name and I get crazy, I get delusions and my mind isn't the same
I can hardly enjoy my time here because when I walk I see you follow me even tough you let me behind

I feel the energy drain from my body more with every day, every day here the more I want to go away, but I don't know where to run to, there's nobody there to welcome me
I guess I should be thankful for what I have, but what do I have? not you, not a good health, I just have things that don't matter to me, so where should I be thankful for? I don't see it..I just don't :'(

I think tonight is again a night where I just will sit on my balcony and watch the people in the streets, the cars waiting in front of the traffic light, the people that pay for girls to come with them, to see the time passing by so slowly and to look at the sky and listen to the sounds of the city, and not all of it is pretty, screaming voices and screams for help, just sickening but it's my life

I heard a beautiful line in a movie today and it really suits how I feel, it was called Max Payne, and so many people died there, and his wife and daughter got murdered and I feel like losing you was something similar to it, but the beautiful line I heard was..

 I don't believe in Heaven. I believe in Pain. I believe in Fear. I believe in Death

Is it strange to wish for death? because sometimes I really do, just to be rid of it all
Maybe if I wish hard enough you'll be rid of me

It's not your fault that I wish for it, It was and still is my own fault

My own...

I...I...I just will never be the same :'(

M

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Brad Paisley - Find Yourself

When you find yourself in some far off place
and it causes you to rethink some things
You start to sense that slowly you're becoming someone else
And then you find yourself...

When you make new friends in a brand new town
and you start to think about settling down
The things that would have been lost on you 
are now clear as a bell
And you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself

Well you go through life
so sure of where you're heading
And you wind up lost
and its the best thing that could have happened
Cause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as well
because you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself.

When you meet the one, that you've been waiting for
and she's everything, that you want and more
You look at her and you finally start to live for someone else
And then you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself

We you go through life
so sure of where we're headed
And we wind up lost
and its the best thing that could have happened
Cause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as well
Because you find yourself,
Yeah thats when you find yourself.



Earth Rises



There is no one left here for me, nobody that is waiting or is missing me, there is no place here for me
I know a better place for me, it the place where we look at every night, a planet without life on it, it's a place where only a few people have been and have set foot on, and after they left again, so it is ideal for me, a place for me to be all alone, not bother anyone else, not entering the lives of people or making them cry, so it's perfect

They say life is so good, life is so wonderful, but I can't see it now, I can't see it here alone, here without you but still I let other people change my life, even tough it's my life, it's not from anyone else but it is the person I am, I care about other people, sometimes too much and in some cases not enough

Everyone can let me be alone in the corner, not talking to me, not looking at me and it is the best for them and probably the best for me, I don't want to hurt no more, I want to be a better person than I used to be and I want to be near the people that used to love me but I see that it isn't possible, I have to go away from them and let them live their live without hurting them any more, it hurts now and some days it hurts more than normal because I think a lot in the people I love and miss, but I have to stop with it

One day my nightmares will be gone, so will my tears and my pain, but the scars will always be there but that is how all my life has been, just pain and misery, I told it to you numerous times that I don't have a perfect life and that some things weren't made for me and they aren't and it was foolish of me to think that you'd always be there but of course it was great to think in it for the time I had

I will grow and I will rise, I will not fall down and stay this way forever, I will get back on my feet and be the person I used to be, a wonderful, sweet, nice, friendly guy

Don't worry for this slain angel

M

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Christina Aguilera Ft. Ricky Martin - Nobody Want To Be Lonely

Why, why, why...
Oh, ooh, ohh

There you are, in a darkened room
And you're all alone, looking out the window
Your heart is cold and lost the will to love
Like a broken arrow
Here I stand in the shadows (In the shadows)
Come to me, come to me
Can't you see that

Nobody wants to be lonely
Nobody wants to cry
My body's longing to hold you
So bad it hurts inside
Time is precious and it's slipping away
And I've been waiting for you all of my life (ohh)
Nobody wants to be lonely
So why (why), why don't you let me love you

Why (ooh ohh yeah), why (oh why), why
Ooh ooh, yeah

Can you hear my voice, do you hear my song
It's a seranade, so your heart can find me, ohh
And suddenly you're flying down the stairs
Into my arms, baby, ohh

Before I start going crazy (Going crazy, ohh)
Run to me
Run to me
Cause I'm dying...

Nobody wants to be lonely
Nobody wants to cry (I don't wanna cry)
My body's longing to hold you (I'm longing to hold you)
So bad it hurts inside
Time is precious and it's slipping away
And I've been waiting for you all of my life (ohh)
Nobody wants to be lonely
So why
Why, why don't you let me love you

I wanna feel you need me (Feel you need me)
Just like the air you're breathing (Breathing)
I need you here in my life
Don't walk away, don't walk away
Don't walk alway, walk away
No, no, no, no...

Nobody wants to be lonely
Nobody wants to cry... yeah, yeah

Nobody wants to be lonely (Yeah ohh ooh)
Nobody wants to cry (Nobody wants to cry)
My body's longing to hold you (Is longing to hold you)
So bad it hurts inside (Hurts inside)
Time is precious and it's slipping away
And I've been waiting for you all of my life (Ohh)
Nobody wants to be lonely
So why (Why), why don't you let me love you
Let me love you...

Nobody wants to be lonely
Nobody wants to cry (Nobody wants to cry...)
My body's longing to hold you (I'm longing to hold you)
So bad it hurts inside (So hurt inside)
Time is precious and it's slipping away
And I've been waiting for you all of my life
Nobody wants to be lonely
So why (why), why don't you let me love you

Why (why), let me love you
Why don't you let me love you
Why, love you, let me love you

Why (why)



Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I'll Be Alright


Today I talked to my mother again, it's been a long time since I spoke her
She told me that my father was doing great since his surgery and that he had no problems with his throat so I was a little happy but I couldn't hide my pain for her so I told her that I was feeling so lonely, that I was so alone, that I had nobody and that I was feeling so empty, that my life was so empty without anyone there

I told her that I miss home, that I miss my family, my sister and all that I know
I am not doing well, I see the symptoms of the illness coming back and I feel less strong every day, so every day I am doing worse, I try to smile but I see it looks more like crying than smiling, I don't want to smile

Tonight I will take the train to Saint-Petersburg and from there I will go home again in a week or so, I had it with this lonely travel, I want to go home again and it is almost time, I just will look to all there heritage that I haven't seen yet and than it's enough for me

But to continue with my conversation with my mother, I told her how crazy I was for you and you for me and that we were both sad how it ended but we can't change it, so she asked me ''where am I looking for'' so I told her that I was looking for myself, that I was looking for people that like me and where I can relate to, but unfortunately I don't relate to people so easily, and it is my problem

She told me that I need to go to university again, look for a new purpose in my life and that I'll be better again by than, that there will be a new girl for me and that I will be alright again

I don't look for a new person, I don't want a new person, but don't worry for me

I'll be alright....

M

Monday, June 13, 2011

Can I..?


Should I be afraid, should I worry that worse things will happen for me?
Ok, maybe I'm really sick and not doing what is right for me but still I know what can happen and knowing is always better than not knowing what can happen, so should I worry that anything can happen

Would the train I take in the morning have an accident or will a bomb explode in a bus and kill me?
Maybe I get assaulted and they shoot me or whatever else bad can happen, I've never cared for it, if it happens than..well, so be it

Is it ok to cry tonight because of tomorrow, Is it ok to cry when I think I may have hurt you in my blog, can I cry tonight?

I cry for the day you forget me, the day you start to care for a new person and will be with that person, the day you no longer have to wait for me

I just have a nightmare future

M


Poem #9

My world has been torn,
I'm on my knees under this cold storm.

Since the day you left,
my heart doesn't feel a thing.

My mind tries to forget you,
but my heart won't let you go.

They say the things that belong to you,
are always coming back.

Does that mean you are not mine?
Or something happened on the way?

My love for you is so strong,
I wish you were here, I'd prove it to you.

Don't take my hope and love with you,
don't leave me hanging in this hole.

The love I gave you was so strong,
that you won't find it any more.
M

The Same


Yesterday I had a barbeque in the hotel, there was a large table filled with beer, wine, vodka and much more liquors so I was already thinking ''This is going to be so bad'' so I sat down at the far end of the table
There were like 30 Eastern-European people, a family from Germany, a couple from Norway and there was me, the only one alone there but it didn't mind for that matter

I started to eat a kind of sausage when the germans started to talk to me and were asking why I was alone and where I came from, I tried to neglect them and say nothing but I knew I couldn't do it because 30 pair of eyes started to look at me... I really didn't like it but ok, I knew I had to say something

So I started to talk to him and told him that I'm from the Netherlands and that I was here because I wanted to see something of the culture of Russia, luckily he believed it and he started to talk about himself and his family, he made me sad with the things he said, he said things that I can relate to, about losing members of the family and problems with his children, I knew I had to get out of there, so I excused me for a moment

I started to walk around in the city looking everywhere and just imagining it was home and I was still happy, but I almost got an accident so it was better to just look around and make my way back, but all I could do was sit somewhere and look at photos of myself in happy times, look at my parents photos and look at your photos, and I miss the happy times a lot

But I know I need to move on and I walked back, and I continued the conversation with him, that his story touched me and that I was in Russia because I wanted to forget about all I knew and let behind what I lost, that I was looking for myself and that I am still searching for me

Since I've lost you I don't know who I am anymore

I'm not who I once was, I'm not the Same

M

Olive - You're Not Alone

In a way, it's all a matter of time
I will not worry for you, You'll be just fine
Take my thoughts with you, and when you look behind
You will surely see a face that you recognize

You're not alone, I'll wait till the end of time
Open your mind, Surely it's plain to see
You're not alone, I'll wait till the end of time for you
Open your mind, Surely there's time to be with me

It is the distance, that makes life a little hard
Two minds that once were close, Now so many miles apart
I will not falter though, I'll hold on till you're home
Safely back where you belong, And see how our love has grown

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Fly Away


Forget the past, a new future waits for you

Miss the important people in your life, my name isn't in that list

See your friends and talk with them, I'm not your friend

Make the people around you smile, I'm not around so don't fake a smile

Look out for the future, don't worry I won't be there

Care for friends and family, I won't ask your care anymore

Don't wish a better life for me, this is the life you gave me

Live the life you want, I won't bother it

I fly away

M

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Your Birthday



My little angel turned 19 today and I'm happy for her

A new year to forget all the bad of last year, to start a new year with smiles and happiness and of course continuing the study with many good grades and I am so proud of you, proud of what you have accomplished already and what you will accomplish in the future

I wish you will find a  new person in your life that will take your pain away and will care good for you, you have a new age, a new beginning of a year, I know you will find a good guy

I hope this year brings you more than I could give you last year and that your new year will be 100 times better, so have a good birthday with many friends and a big birthday cake with lots of gifts

I am sorry I can't be there with you today and I am sorry I never was there when you needed me, this is the second birthday of you I am not there, I was a bad boyfriend :(

I wanted to be there today but you know that I couldn't but I will think in you today, all day imagining that you smile and have fun even tough I doubt you will have it but still I pray you will, I really wish it for you

I wish you a very good day, a very good birthday and I wish you a very good weekend

I love you

M : ' (

New Path To Follow


life ain't easy and life ain't fair but you have to deal with it
its a new path I need to follow, a new direction, a new destination, I'll go where someone needs me, where I can be of good use and where I will be appreciated

maybe there is something else out there for me, not the things I really wanted or the things I expected but maybe they can use me, maybe I can work with children, they say their smiles are the most beautiful thing in the world even tough it aren't my children or maybe I can protect the forests from being cut, save it for the next generation even tough I can't make a contribution to it, I don't want to have children anymore, I don't want them, not 1, not 2, not the 4 I wanted

Please don't take it too hard on you if I said things in my blog you didn't like, maybe it makes you feel better if I say I still think about you every day, that I still want and need you and you can think about this

''Why do I wake with wet eyes, why did I cry when I woke..''

You know I am hurt and I have suffered but...
Nobody can take me down 
M :-(

(P.S. Little Heads-Up, every forthcoming poem will have a little movie with it)

I Miss You Tonight

Friday, June 10, 2011

Save Me


I wanted to save you from all pain in the world, I wanted to protect you from all the pain that other people could bring you and I just wanted to give you a very good life, It is what you deserve after all the good things you have done for me and because of that I love you and I wanted to be the best for you, but the best was not enough even tough I tried it so hard

I promised that I would always look out for you, that I would care for you and trust you in every way, I wanted to give you what everybody wants to have, I wanted to give you protection, happiness, a listening ear, fun, smiles and most of all love

The life we had for a while was like a movie, it was a beautiful fairytale, something like Shrek
A beautiful princess in a castle far far away waiting to be rescued by a prince but she got saved by someone she didn't expect, the only difference is that they are together after all

In the end of every movie, the hero get's the girl... I can't be that hero, I don't save anyone even tough I rescued multiple persons already, I saved them..

Who will save me?

M